Thursday, January 11, 2018

Cry On Cue for Idiots, Curated, 2016

Mitchell Warren and Floren Felvturn's Cry On Cue is awaiting its publication in December 2004. This tale of two antiheroes forced to take court-ordered therapy because of self-destructive sexual behavior is a remarkable story of easy British tarts, faithfulness, lying bastards who claim they're in love with you, the futility of life, anti chick-lit satire and hamsters. The story of Floren Felvturn and Paula Brakken, the strange men in their lives, and their prudish, utterly humorless doctors, reflect the complexity of the unmedicated and loony female mind and more importantly the instinctive madness that affects all of humanity.

However, the average reader has never heard of Misses Floren’s Opus. Laden with absurd literary references and ridden with inexplicable sexual analogies, the book's reputation as a "chick-lit" satire is certainly standing strong. This is a shame because the ruttish Floren thinks very highly of both male and female readers who mean so much more to her than just mainstream sex toys for her general amusement. Therefore, since our Attempted Rapture For Idiots page was so popular last time around--together with the fact that From Hunger's Ulysses For Dummies parody creator hasn’t threatened us with a lawsuit—we've decided to present an exclusive "For Idiots" explanation of the highly experimental novel.

So join us as a rather egregiously drawn Floren introduces the lesson...

“Hello, I am Floren Felvturn. If you are
a gimboid or lacking in mental prowess,
you may need big words and simple
pictures to really understand something.
So listen up, Herbert. Here goes.”

Cry on Cue for Idiots

This is Floren Felvturn.


This is Floren propositioning total strangers.


This is Paula Brakken and her precocious daughter Taffy.

This is Paula being an unfit mother.

This is Doctor Lamron and Doctor Rateur.
Their patients have been court ordered to undergo therapy.

This is Floren and Paula not taking the news so well.

This is a hamster. 

This is a hamster's privacy being invaded.


One guy doesn't get it. The other does.

This ends Cry On Cue For Idiots. On behalf of all
of us here at The Late Mitchell Warren Museum we
urge you to chillax, bat on a sticky wicket, and remember:
It's Just A Story.
Or is it?
Yes it is.

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