Thursday, January 11, 2018

Non-Interview with an Anti-Guru, 2013

“In honor of the completion of “Attempted Rapture”, a non-achievement and an anti-accomplishment, I officially proclaim myself an Anti-Guru. In the same vein as an Anti-Pope, an Anti-Hero, or the Anti-Spawn.“In honor of the completion of “Attempted Rapture”, a non-achievement and an anti-accomplishment, I officially proclaim myself an Anti-Guru. In the same vein as an Anti-Pope, an Anti-Hero, or the Anti-Spawn.
The reason being is that I stubbornly reject all beliefs and the inference and mistaken notion that I actually believe that I reject all beliefs. I do not believe that “nothing is provable” because that would be a belief. I do not believe in indifference or in selfish egoism because that is a strong system of belief. Rather, I refuse to be called a believer in anything, simply because I reject the definition of “belief”. However, this does not make me an unbeliever, since that strongly implies that I have a system or organizational methodology of disbelief, which is contrary to the definition of an anti-believer.

These are not my own whims or the ravings of a horny derelict but in response to the Higher Learning Community, the college professors and enlightened college students, who have made it illegal to interpret definitions within context. What “is” is and thus one must be explicit in defining his belief, or in this case, no belief. Therefore to appease the Higher Learning Community, and to avoid being beaten senseless by deans, professors, and master’s degree holding nineteen-year-olds, I am submitting to the studiocratic arrangement of things. I disallow anyone on the face of the planet to say that I have a “belief”, under the threat of ad-hominem attacks, trolling, flame wars and everything else that college professors and college students use to prove their incontrovertible maturity and superior intellect.

I am not a Nihilist since that implies a belief. I do not reject all faiths or scientific facts, since that implies owing a certain loyalty to a set or implied system of beliefs, hypotheses and circumferential evidence that I whole-heartedly reject in all circumstances, because to accept this human concept of “evidence”, “logic”, or presentation would be to subscribe to a belief when I officially renounce the definition of “belief”, and thus it cannot be stated that I believe anything. Or nothing. I am not an abstractionist or a figurativist, since that implies that I believe in non literal explanations, because I am vehemently against anti-thoughts, though I do not believe that in the strictest interpretation. It cannot be stated that I have expressed anything in this post, but that it was an anti-post, deleting from the universe things that may have previously existed.

In fact, it is now illegal to suggest that Mitchell “said something” or “stated something” since that implies that a belief was shared. The correct way to address such tomfoolery would be to say, “I insist on believing that Mitchell said something*.”

* Please note that college students always have the right to rewrite the English language and personal or institutional definitions at any given time. And if you ever have any doubt about this, just know, you are “wrong”. (-Attributed to millions of Higher Learning advocates)

As an Anti-Guru, appointed by no one, accredited by nothing, and as unqualified as anyone else to give advice, I can state with assurance that if you seek advice from me you will actually un-learn things that you think you already know. Thus speaking to me will likely rob your brain of information you previously thought you had. I wouldn’t recommend anyone taking advice from me, as I strive to give the equivalent of anti-matter to people seeking “truth”.

What I would suggest to you, though this is strictly not a belief, is that you stop taking advice from others so damned seriously and realize that at the end of your life, all your life amounts to is the collection of decisions that you made over a period of time—no doubt influenced by corporatists, propagandists, impostor gurus, your parents, people you modeled your life after, your literary heroes, your celebrity crushes, your religious icons, your intellectual skeptic superiors, your founding fathers, your country which you were accidentally born to, and random people that said stupid things on the Internet over the image of Willy Wonka, SpongeBob, or some angry pussy.

What I would tell you is to think for yourself and stop being such a chicken—but that would be hypocritical since that would imply a belief. There, consider yourselves robbed of knowledge.”

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